To me, relationship can go both ways, forward or backwards. And in any romantic relationship I invest in, I know when it is time to pull handbrake and say good bye. I think we need to get this sorted out before we enter into relationship, when we are clear headed and have no excuses. This is especially, we’re are clouded with rosy memories, things he said or promised in the past, little “rights” he do, we immediately forgotten about their wrong.

By no means, being together is also about adjusting little changes and accepting some flaws here and there. BUT we need to know, when to draw the line. The following, are just a guideline which work for me. Everyone has their own measuring stick. It is best to sit down and think it through your lists of NO-NOs.

1. You feel insecure and low self esteem
   • He’s judgmental to your actions and make you doubt yourself. Or are you trying very hard to please him that you begin to doubt your decisions. I have been in this type of relationship. He’s someone I look up upon, but he explicitly tell me his expectations on me, it made me doubt myself. It was only the day, I decided to leave him, only I begin to realize I wasn’t that horrible. Infact, people around me think I’m awesome and fabulous. From there, I deduced that, it was because he has been projecting his own insecurity upon me all along.
2. You feel like chasing him all the time
   • I think relationship should be mutual. If you’re the only person doing all the work. Are you the one initiating all the conversation topics? Are you the one who always on the look out for him? Are you the one who always make the first move after every fights? If he is not trying or investing enough heart into it, then it doesn’t worth your time and effort. It will likely be the same moving forward. Do you want to spend the rest of your life – chasing? You’re not police and he’s not a thief. It should be mutual
3. You think you can change him
   • I feel people are not changeable. Why date someone and change him into your mould. I guess, people wouldn’t do things the way they think is wrong. They have their own logic on the way of getting things done. If you think you can change him, think again. Rather, be with someone more similar to your mould, that way, you CAN CHANGE YOURSELF to accept those little flaws
4. He doesn’t care about his family
   • To me, the way he treats his family, is the biggest indicator how he would treat you 20years down the road, when you too, become his family.
5. He cheated
   • Does this even deserve explanation? Stop making excuse for him, and run

So here’s my list of red flags, if any of these appear, that’ll be my deal breaker. If it’s someone not suitable, why compromise and be unhappy for the next 40-50 years? We shouldn’t do that when we have a choice and the bargaining chips at hand. I’m very sure of what I want. What about you?