Cantonese people have a saying, money hurts relationship. This can be never more true. You can be the best power couple, but when we disagreement about money matters arise, it could turn pretty ugly. Either in separation or worst still divorced. Some couples fight over ways of spending (some feel that they should save more in future, some think they should spend it more, while some can give all hard earn money to family member when in trouble), some couple fight over who contributed more in the relationship (ex wife have bigger salary, so should contribute more in the household or have bigger say about ways of spending) and etc.

I remember when I was with my ex, there’s few things I did and did not address it over when it comes to money. Here’s my thoughts:-

• Who should pay for the meal

I’m a strong believer the guy should pay for the meal, unless we were only normal friends, then I don’t even mind treating you. In my opinion, if you can’t even buy me a basic meal, then how do I expect you to take care of me in future? I remember telling him that dating shouldn’t be expensive, and we could date frugally and yet, be happy. Therefore, whenever he asks me where to eat, I say the kopitiam near his house also can. BUT, he on the other hand, once a while when I told him I will treat him out of my good will, devil horns will grow out and only eat best of the best. My mom say this type of people, 自己出钱就吃出眼泪，被人出钱就吃出大汗。I felt this is bad etiquette and even ungentlemanly for a guy. But before I could tell to him, he already left. I hope he don’t do that in future. So in my next relationship, I will still tell my partner the same thing, you are definitely going to pay for our dates, but let’s spend within our means and yet, be happy

• Should he pay for your lifestyle too?

As for other expenditures which doesn’t overlap each other doing together such as your clothes, makeup items, toiletries, your gadgets, sneakers, then I think it is optional for him to pay for it but not a MUST. I mean, the girl should also be financially independent to be able pay off some some of her lifestyle expenditure. You can’t expect the man to pay off your debts and lifestyle. Like, spend how you would spend before you meet him. Again, girl should also live within her means and not be a parasite for the guy to pay for JUST EVERYTHING. Then, it is easy, people to see you as gold digger. If you expect your date to pay for your lifestyle also, then you should look for a sugar daddy, not a life partner.

• Should we interfere in how we spend our money?

This question depends at what stage you both are in the relationship. If you are in a dating stage, where you both are not togather paying some loans, investment togather (even so, if your partner have been religiously paying his share of the loan), I think neither should interfere on how they spend their hard earn money. But if you both are married, and spending life togather under a shared income for the sake of your children, then I feel both need to sit down and discuss how they would contribute to the marriage. Ideally, I do not want a partner to be so petty with me where he should trust how I manage both our money together. But this level of trust comes from how you perform when you were togather. Are you a impulsive buyer, do you spend your money carelessly, etc. And, I feel both should never justify their power in the relationship based on their earning power. I believe both have equal say in how they spend despite the difference. That is because rationality is independent of earning status. When you earn more, doesn’t mean you make better decisions. Trump make stupid decisions too.